The Break-Up & the Brokenhearted Once Weres

You know that shattering feeling when a lover comes to you, because we need to talk and shoves a knife into your heart, but through your throat and around your lungs? That is the collective shredding of a fanbase’s hearts in Seattle. But, with the cursory attempts at making them stay through lawsuits, we are dragging out the end; calling her 12 times in the middle of the night pleading for her to come back or why don’t you love me anymore questions barely intelligible through the tears and hyperventilated sobbing. JUST FUCKING GO ALREADY!!! I can’t stand the thought of you hanging around for this bullshit court crap, when we all (admit it or not) know you’re going to Oklahoma City. Just fuck off and leave, but remember to leave the team name behind so that we might be able to ressurect it all once we’ve gotten past the late night binge drinking to forget you. Clay Bennett, I swear to the gods that if I ever meet you in person, I will remove your testicles Fight Club style for what you’ve done here (Howard Schulz, don’t think you’re much more in the safe zone yourself). My first sports memories, shit, some of my first memories at all, are of going to Supes games in the Kingdome when I was 4 years old. Do you wanna venture a guess as to what year that was?!!!?!?!!?!!?! 1979 motherfucker!! The only time we’ve had a championship in this city…and yer gonna drag that team away like an abduction victim in the middle of the night, only during the day and right in front of us. I fucking hate you. And I mean that. The brazen balls on you to talk of how (paraphrasing alert!) leases aren’t specifically enforceable???!!? What the fuck are you smokin dickweed?! I don’t get my deposit back if I brake a lease with a landlord, why should you get to name your price for bouncing on your lease, asshole?! And, by the way, you lost money last year because the team SUCKED ASS AT A SHIT INFESTED REST STOP!!! You’d lose money anywhere with a team that crappy! Though, I suppose when you rape a city’s loyalty to its oldest sports franchise, people won’t wanna show up to games, but I doubt that’s the majority of your problems. Well, good luck in HELL mother fucker, er, I mean Oklahoma City!

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