I would just like to extend a huge congratulations to Jesus Shuttlesworth, er, Ray Muthafuckin Allen!!!!! It was lovely seeing you play a possessed, opponent-ravaging NBA Finals to get your first ring, something I would’ve preferred to see you do in a Seattle Supersonics jersey. But hey, I love you no less and why the hell wouldn’t you jet on a team going down the drain to the sewer???? Oh, and by the way, it was extra special to see you squash the Rapist, none other than Black Mamba (Uma Thurman should slice him one for that), the smuggest man alive Kobe Asshat Bryant. I do believe you kicked his ass!