Breaking Up Should Be Easy As Hell!!


Closed an account at WaMu today and, like every time any regulah muthafucka closes a bank account, the fuckin’ undereducated, but overly-confident financial assistant has to ask you, “And what are your reasons for leaving us?” First, no matter how nice they are, this makes me wanna punch them in the nose. Today, I just sharply told her that it was none of her business. But it all felt like I had just dumped a long-time girlfriend. What was I supposed to tell the bank employee? “Well, you don’t give head nearly enough, you’re kinda boring in the sack anyways, you don’t listen to me when I talk, my record store allowance has dwindled and you never compliment me on my vintage HipHop style anymore!!!” Just feels so fuckin’ contrived (like 95% of my actual relationships…hmmmm?!?!?). Then, get this, I had to explain the math to her…really??? You’re fucking kidding me, you work in a bank and you have to verify the amount of change to give me? Good lord, I could pick a fuckin’ Kindergarten kid who could do this job more proficiently. Is this why student loans are so gotdamn crazy outta control, because sorority/fraternity kids have to get a bullshit Econ. degree to fuck shit up at the bank for me??? Damn. Barack, my brotha, can you please put a big, Harvard-educated boot up the ass of all this bullshit mess we call a society? Please??!?

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