Dear OKCupid

Dear OKCupid

{02.04.15}

I’m just about 3 months from my 40th birthday

I’ve never worried over it

aging isn’t haunting me,

in fact, I think I’m doing it quite well

but it is a moment of rumination.

I’ve been divorced longer than

my marriage and my meandering college career

combined.

I have spent that time, primarily,

existing below the poverty line,

without lengthy relationships, lending to deep loneliness,

fading from attractiveness into middle age,

often drunk or chasing a revision

of my history’s damages, even mired in suicidal ideation.

I’ve dreamt all the dreams:

of love, of sex and sensuality, of connection,

of faces that I know are my lover’s, all the past participles of hope,

I’ve conjured all the ghosts of a true introvert

pleading guilty to charges of extroversion and gregariousness

begging for a sentence less cruel

than falling in love every day, only to

have the hellish wind of this century’s severed sense of social

whisk away the chances to touch, caress, fuck, love, talk, lock eyes,

hold hands.

I’ve directed all the art house independent films of my mind’s theater,

where the pursuit of love and deep, yearning connection

are concern ultimate to the characters

where she is always waking up, smiling to find me beside her

I’ve written all the best love poems,

dedicated in secrecy to the woman I fell for

on Thursday, last March, next winter, after I’m already dead

and in the next lifedimensionspace.

I’ve also written just about all the fucking

soon-to-go-unanswered messages

to women on OKCupid that I can stand,

is there a woman out there that I find interesting,

through the easily manipulated lens of the Internet,

who might also find me interesting

and just write me a fucking message back?!?

I’m waiting…………….

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2 thoughts on “Dear OKCupid”

  1. But I know a lot of people like it sort of. Haha I think it takes so long to hear back from messages because there are so many of them and the sites I think from my limited experience do a crappy job of giving you the option to organize them well.

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